Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Emer vs. Flounder

Emer Flounders is at the top of the food chain and eats flounder deep fried in beer batter with mayo.
The Flounder is a bottom feeder and has no access to condiments.
No contest.
Emer 1, Fish 0

Both have eyes on the same side of their head.
Emer 2, Fish 1
Both can fertilize hundreds of eggs.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that although Emer's virility is on par with Zeus, it's not necessarily a good thing, considering child support and all. However, since Emer likes eating fish and chips, more flounder to eat is a good thing. Point goes to Fish, unless Emer likes to eat his young.
Emer 2, Fish 2

Flounder was the best friend of Ariel, the Little Mermaid. He probably even got to see her change out of her sea-shell bra.
Emer is animated and likes chasing tail.
This is a tough one to call. But, since Flounder doesn't have opposable thumbs, and Emer has the ability to undo a bra one-handed, I've got to give this one to Emer. Plus, Emer has a rare first edition of the original Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson. Suck it, Flounder.
Emer 3, Fish 2

Flounder were found living at the bottom of Marianas trench, the deepest location on the earth's crust where it is over one thousand times the standard atmospheric pressure at sea level.
While on land, there is no possible way to crush Emer. His optimism and radiant smile can sheild him from any attempt. However, if he attempted to dive to the bottom of the Marianas trench he'd be crushed by the pressure like something that is easy to crush, like a Styrofoam cup in the shape of Emer.
Emer 3, Fish 3

While there are many variable and considerable differences between Emer Flounders and a flounder, I have come to the conclusion that they are not only incredibly different and amazing in each of their own special ways, but that they are also equals. If only we could all learn to live in such harmony like Emer, the circle of life would not only be complete, but beer-battered and tasty.

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